My Self Worth Is More Important Than You

by - September 05, 2014

I realize that this title comes off as a little self-absorbed, and makes it seem as though I believe I am more important than you, but that is not the intention of this article.Of course I believe we are all equal; I don't think anyone is better or more important than anyone else. With that being said, I do think that your own personal self worth is more important than any view someone else holds of what value your self worth might be. I think it is extremely important that we all realize self respect as one of the most important factors when it comes to true happiness, and that it is always, ALWAYS okay for you to put your happiness first. 

Let me tell you a story about when I recognized that I had zero self respect, how I figured out how to gain some, and came to the realization that my self worth mattered too. 

It all starts with how Tinder was the worst thing, and then the best thing that ever happened to me. If you don't know what Tinder is, I imagine you've probably lived under a rock, or completely ignored social media for the past year, and hey if that's the case you didn't miss much. Essentially Tinder is an app where you can swipe yes   or swipe no to someone's profile, and all you have to go on is their name and a couple pictures. It really gave us all an opportunity to be as shallow as we like to pretend we're not, because it was truly all about the looks. Some people did it to hookup, others did it just for fun. I wasn't sure what I expected out of it, but I certainly wasn't expecting what I got. 

To make a long story a little bit shorter, my Tinder experience basically ends up with me meeting up with a guy I 'met' on the app and having sex with him. There are things I regret about the experience, which you will later find out, but I wouldn't necessarily say that having sex was one of them. Sure there were probably much better ways to lose my virginity, but at the time it was what I wanted, and I was comfortable and ready to do it. The sex was not the issue, or maybe it was. Since the real issue was that during that entire experience, which took place over the course of a couple of months, I did not have one shred of self respect for myself. 

I've never been popular among guys. I didn't really know how to talk to them, and I've always been severely awkward around someone I thought was cute. Guys were always more interested in my friends, thus casting me into the role of 'my girlfriend’s friend'. It hasn't always been the best, but I was never too worried about it. That's probably why when a guy, let's call him Tinder, did start to show interest in me I didn't really know how to handle it. Tinder made me feel really giddy, and I quickly developed a school girl crush on him. This cute guy, who was really sweet and funny was showing interest in me, and I was over the moon. It started off really innocently, I told him straight up I was inexperienced, to say the least, and he was shocked by it, but also cool with it. That made me like him more. As we developed our 'relationship' I got more and more daring in the things I would do and say to him. I wanted to keep him happy, because I really, really liked talking to him. So I sent him the odd 'sexy' snap here and there to mix things up. I'm not ashamed of my body, and my anatomy is simply my anatomy. So yes, I sent him pictures of my boobs, and my butt. At first I was into it. It was wild and I had always been the furthest thing from wild. Then, after awhile, it turned into more. He always wanted more and more, offering to supply me with the same in return, and I always gave it to him. All because I didn't want him to stop talking to me. 

Tinder lived far away, and we hooked up right at the end of school, so while I was still studying for my last final exams, he had already moved back home. I didn't want him to forget about me, so I continued to do whatever he asked of me, thinking that it wasn't such a big deal as long as it made him happy. I took 'sexy' pics in public places, because it got him riled up, and I found myself staying up until 2am the night before an exam sexting him. I did lots of things that I am not proud of because I didn't realize that my self worth was more important. 

Our interactions continued for awhile after I went home for the summer, and at one point I really thought I had developed true feelings for him. But after crying myself to sleep for a second time because I feared nothing real would ever happen between us, I began reevaluating the whole situation and I realized that I didn't like the person I had become, or the things I had been doing. We became distant, both blaming it on our jobs, and busy summers, but I knew that I didn't want to go back to the point we had once been at. 

My issue was that because I didn't feel my self worth was more important, because I didn't feel worthy of anyone else, I thought that what I was doing was perfectly okay. This guy seemed to actually like me, and no one had ever done that before. I liked the way it felt. I liked having someone tell me I was pretty. I craved the attention he gave me. I didn't realize that, what we were doing, was not the kind of 'relationship' I deserved to be in. I didn't think I deserved, or would ever get more than that because I'm not conventionally pretty, or because I'm a little overweight. It hadn't occurred to me that the real reason I never experienced any sort of real relationship, was because I thought this way. 

You know that quote "we accept the love we think we deserve"? In these past few months I've realized just how true it is. In these past few months I've realized how important it is to have self respect and self worth. If you don't love yourself, and respect yourself, how can you expect anyone else to do the same?

I don't blame Tinder at all for what went down between us, and I don't think he's a bad guy. I just realized that my self worth, was more important than him. 

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1 thoughts

  1. I am so proud of you baby girl. This is beyond inspiring.