by Spenser Trafford - Wednesday, March 08, 2017
I think it's about time to feature a little self love on the blog. And given that today is International Women's Day, I figured now was the perfect time.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a bit of a hypocrite when it comes to preaching self-love and body positivity. I give my friends crap if they are speaking badly about themselves, I encourage strangers to celebrate their bodies and I am so inspired by people who have overcome their battles with body image. But somehow, I've not been practicing what I'm preaching for myself. For too long I've beaten myself up for not looking the way I think I should look. First it was not being skinny enough, or not having clear enough skin, or straight enough hair. And then when the plus size revolution came about, it was less about wanting to be skinny and more about wanting to be toned, and always assessing my own body in comparison to someone else's. Why can't my stomach me as flat as hers, or my butt as big? Looking in the mirror and wondering how to get rid of some parts of me, instead of embracing the body that I'm in now. And sure I know what needs to be done to look like those other girls, I understand that health is important and that if I stick to eating right and working out that perhaps eventually I'll look like them. But what I'm struggling with, and what I think many women like me struggle with is understanding why I need to look just like them. Why can't I be comfortable within my own body and focus more on just the health and not the "after body".
The crazy thing is, most of us would never say the things we do about ourselves to anyone else. I'd never go up to a women who looked like me and say "you have too many stomach rolls", or "your ass is way too flat". But yet, I'll look at myself and have no problem pointing that out to myself. And that makes me incredibly sad. You get one body, and you should celebrate that.
I am on a health journey, and I do need to lose weight, but I really want to try focusing on physically feeling better, as opposed to physically looking better. And not just loving my body at the end of it all, but loving my body throughout the whole journey. Because I believe that your body does hear everything your mind says, and that there is a connection between the two. The longer you tear yourself down , the longer and harder it is going to be to bring yourself back up to where you deserve to be. And we all deserve to be in love with ourselves and celebrating the body that we have!
by Spenser Trafford - Sunday, March 05, 2017
When I was little, I always dreamed of one day travelling the world and seeing what it has to offer. I would often daydream about falling in love in Paris, eating my way through Italy, or swimming in the bluest of oceans, not having a worry in the world. But it was always just a dream, I figured perhaps one day when I'm much, much older, my future children are out of the house and I'm retired, that I might be able to explore the world. I never thought I would have seen so much of it in my early twenties!
It's days like today, when this Canadian winter doesn't seem like it will be ending anytime soon, and I wish I was on a beach, with warm sand beneath my toes that I like to reminisce about my past travels and adventures, and scheme some new ones in my head. And since I don't think I have actually shared many of my pictures from those trips with you guys, I figured I would do a little travel diary and maybe be able to relive some of those memories!
I'm very lucky to have been able to do my fair share of travelling, and even though there will always be another place on my travel bucket list, I never want to take for granted the amazing travel opportunities I've had so far in my life, because I know that I've been able to do more in just a few years than most people will get to do in their lifetime, and that makes me feel very blessed.
You heard it here first. Because, really I'm not sure where else you would hear it.
A few years ago I made a new friend who happened to be vegan. She was great, she introduced me to the world of veganism, and what it would be like if I too, lived a vegan lifestyle. So after not a lot of thought I threw caution to the wind and quit animal products cold turkey ( hah!). It was wonderful, I learned a lot of fantastic new vegan recipes, and we cooked together a lot, went out to fun vegan restaurants in our city, and I found it incredibly easy to transition when I had a support system that was also vegan. And my body was thanking me for it! I had lost some weight, my skin had never looked better, and I felt good inside and out. However then she moved away for school, and I was left on my own and unfortunately became a really bad vegan. For 6 months I had been eating so many greens, and beans and lentils and all of these delicious nutritious meals! And then it became a chore, and I hated cooking so I ate potatoes and pasta for every meal and all that energy and all the benefits I was getting before, completely disappeared. So after another 6 months of that, I ultimately decided to go back to eating meat, and dairy. And have been doing so for the last few years. However, over the past couple of months, the vegan lifestyle has been on my mind a lot. I see so many blog posts and videos from people that I follow talking about how they've made the switch to veganism and how much they are liking it and I really wanted to try it out again.
So I decided to try it out, short term. I decided to do a 30 day vegan challenge, which may or may not be an actual thing, or it could just be something I made up in my head as an actual challenge. Either way, I'm gonna do it. Mostly because I want to reap the benefits that I was getting the first time I went vegan, again. I want the high energy, I don't want to feel sluggish everyday, I want to clear my skin up and maybe even lose a little weight. I am not committing to being vegan forever, you guys know me I'm terrible with commitment, but I am promising that I am going to give the next 30 days everything I've got! I'm going to be adventurous in the kitchen, and try things I've never made before, and hopefully never feel deprived of food. I don't know that I'm necessarily going to go vegan full time after this, but I'm going to take it one day (or one month) at a time.
And obviously since I share everything I do with you guys, I'm going to take you along for the journey so look out for some recipe, what I eat in a day, and update posts coming your way this month!
by Spenser Trafford - Wednesday, February 22, 2017
Don't make time for people who don't make time for you. Seems like a no brainer when you say it out loud (or I suppose in this case read it in your head). Though I think this is something most of us are guilty of in many aspects of our lives. Whether it be in friendship or a romantic relationship. Especially if you're anything like me, where you allow yourself to be the one always pursuing the other, because the thought of having to say goodbye, or cut that person out is a lot harder than always making the first move.
But honestly, you eventually reach a boiling point, where all these feelings of being in a one-sided relationship start to surface, and it start's to drive you nuts.
And I've been there, I've actually been there quite a few times. And it's such a sucky feeling (good descriptive words Spense), like you're the only one who cares enough to keep the whole thing going. In many of my romantic relationships that has been the case, and perhaps it's because I only date jerks, or maybe I get too attached too easily, but either way I usually find myself being the one who is trying to set up dates, or times to get together, or being totally okay with being stood up. That was until I took a step back and realized that's not what I deserve. I'm worthy of being with someone who will make time for me, who will be excited to make time for me. Because there is a difference between someone who wants you when it is convenient for them, and someone who will do what it takes to keep you around, even when it is less convenient.
And that applies to all of you too! In any sort of relationship. You are all worthy to be in two-sided relationships, where you make time for others, and they make time for you right back! So don't make time for people who don't make time for you, because life is too short to spend your time chasing someone who obviously doesn't care enough to keep you in their life!
by Spenser Trafford - Friday, February 17, 2017
I did it. I watched Fifty Shades Darker. And I watched it online, on my broken computer which only has half a screen. That's how much I couldn't wait to see it. I was meant to be going with some girlfriends to see it in the theatre but I couldn't help myself. And truth be told even though I only just watched it, I'm still 100% down to watch it again on the big screen.
Here are 50 (plus 1) thoughts I had while I was watching!
* THERE ARE SO MANY SPOLIERS IN THIS POST. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED GO WATCH THE MOVIE AND THEN COME BACK AND READ IT. OR READ IT ANYWAYS, I DON'T CONTROL YOUR LIFE!*
1. Isn't she supposed to look like crap, like she hasn't eaten or stopped crying for a week?
2. Where is the Charlie Tango balloon? Screw the flowers, show me the balloon.
3. This is so not like the book, I know it can't be an exact match but come on people you're leaving
out some of the best details.
4. It feels weird seeing Christian out of a suit, and not being shirtless or naked.
5. Also weren't they supposed to come to this thing together?
6.. I've always found it odd that Jose is one of Ana's best friends and yet she had no idea that she was the center of his exhibit.
7. And equally as weird, that she still considers him a good friend after he uses the pictures without her consent knowing full well she wouldn't let him if he had asked.
8. I mean seriously, he just admitted that!
9. And another thing, if I was Ana I'd be asking for a cut of that big sale he just made to an anonymous person (Christian), it is after all my face.
10. Okay I know she canceled the steak and ordered the quinoa as a subtle "fuck you for thinking you still control my life" to Christian, and I'm all for that, but god I would have so much rather had the steak.
11. He didn't have to try very hard for her to take him back. I knew she was going to take him back, but shouldn't he have had to put in just a little more effort?
12. Jack Hyde is not supposed to be hot is he? Why do I picture him as short, balding, slightly overweight middle aged man?
13. I know Jack is supposed to be the bad guy, but I find it hard to believe that he'd see a creepy, disheveled women with bandages on her wrist waiting outside their office to talk to the chick he's trying to bang and just be like mmkay drinks?
14. Christian trying to cut a pepper is almost enough for me to not find him attractive, the 3 year old girl I used to nanny for could cut a pepper better than that, and she was using a spoon for Christ's sake.
15. Okay for a movie whose theme is largely revolved around sex, they took their sweet ass time to get to the first sex scene.
16. How awkward must it be for actors to film scenes like this. Like is his face actually touching her vagine right now? Or just extremely and awkwardly close to it?
17.Why do people not like free money? Seriously am I a bad person for thinking I'd be elated to get a $24,000 check for my shitty old car?
18. Okay slightly creepy he knows all of her bank information, but again you just made $24,000 so who cares?
19. Does this count as prostitution since he technically deposited the money into her account after their night of kinky-fuckery?
20. Okay Kim Basinger has arrived, and honestly find her just as creepy as she is meant to come off.
21. I'm a lazy piece of shit and probably would have taken him up on his offer of being carried on his shoulder tbh.
22. I really want to go to a masked ball, but only one that a millionaire would be hosting, and unfortunately I don't know too many millionaires.
23. How did Rita Ora get cast in this movie?
24. Why the fuck did Dr. Flynn not get written into the movie?
25. I am equally intrigued and creeped out by the silver balls.
26. Why doesn't Christian ever take his pants off when they have sex? I know it's kind of a quickie, but if you have time for her to be fully naked, would you then not also have time to be fully naked?
27. Mrs. Robinson is a real bitch, and also are there not other women in this bathroom? I can just picture some drunk chick eavesdropping and then running around the ballroom screaming " I know Christian's secret, I know Christian's secret" before passing out.
27. A bajillion security guards at Escala, but let's go to my boat that only has a one man lookout. Can't say I agree with your logic there Christian, but boy does it act as a nice transition into the next scene.
28. Is this a J.Crew commercial?
29. Okay Jack Hyde starting to live up to his last name. Kinda sweet to major creep in 0.2 seconds friends.
30. Well nipple clamps are a hard limit after seeing that.. no thank you.
31. Can only think about how Christian's interview with Mrs. Jones went. So it'll be your basic housekeeper duties, get groceries, cook my meals, sweep the floors, oh yeah, and wash all my sex toys and dust my sex dungeon.
32. Okay the flip was intense, how did that not result in injury?
33. I can make you come... says every guy ever. *rolls eyes so far back into my head that I get a headache*
34. I wonder if she is thinking about using the S.I.N.G method?
35. Ana get's an insane promotion after being there for a week, and that's a totally normal thing right?
36. There's no way someone in that restaurant didn't see her take off her DAMN UNDERWEAR.
37. Casual fingering in the elevator, NBD.
38. Where is Elliot, again leaving out so many good details and characters I am peeved.
39. Jesus, so is submissive a synonym for dog, because he is literally petting her.
40. Christian on the floor is not alright, please get up.
41.Talk about a romantic proposal..
42. OMG THE WORKOUT SCENE, GOD DAMN JAMIE DORNAN YOU SEXY BEAST.
43. Roz, I think it's pretty damn obvious what is happening. But don't worry you won't die because Christian can apparently not only fly but also crash land so you good boo.
44. Does he seriously think that no one would be concerned about the fact that he almost just died, like I know you don't think someone could love you but, even if they just liked you a little I'm pretty sure they'd still be worried.
45. So he opens the keychain and it's still a cute scene, but the book did it better.
46. No doubt Mrs. Jones will be tidying the pile of sopping wet clothes in his shower, I hope she get's paid well... and has benefits. She deserves benefits.
47. More kinky fuckery, but seriously not as much sex in this movie, especially considering they do it every 20 pages in the book.
48. Kim Basinger get's a drink thrown in her face, and then is slapped by queen Maricia Gay Harden and the best thing she can think to do is drop a handkerchief in front of everyone? That's weak.
49. It's the hearts and flowers! Now that's the kind of lame cheesy proposal I live for. Also that rock. JESUS.
50. Why are these people acting like this is the first time they've seen fireworks?
51. Oh it's Jack. And I immediately started singing Hit The Road Jack in my head.
Oh my god.
Even though I'm kind of disappointed in the script, they seriously left out so many of my favorite details from the book, I still loved it. Honestly I'm so god damned excited for the next one. And also extremely happy that we don't have to wait 2 years for this one, I'm already planning my Valentine's day around it!
by Spenser Trafford - Thursday, February 16, 2017
I fully understand that everyone gets older, and that it's that age that is eventually going to lead to death. I am not naïve in thinking that any one person will outlive the rest of us. I know that everyone has a time to go, and that at some point each of our loved ones will. (I am also sorry if this is a bit dark for a Wednesday afternoon, but I promise there is some light at the end of my point.)However sometimes it isn't until we experience that loss, whether it be personally or through someone we know, that that thought really resonates with us.
And personally, as a twenty-something this quote not ring more true with me. Because I am so caught up in me growing up and becoming an adult, dealing with the post-graduate job market and bills, and all of the things I couldn't wait to be able to do when I was younger, that I truly do forget that my parents, the people who have supported me through every stage of my life are also growing older.
And I think I am lucky in that, my parents are healthy people, and I fully expect them to be around for a long time. But perhaps my issue lies in that fact that in the past I've relied too heavily on that thought being true. When the reality is sometimes life throw's you a tragic curveball you never would have seen coming, and when you hear of something like that happening you really stop to think about how short life is, and how anything can happen.
So I urge you today, or whenever you may read this to think about your parents, or your grandparents and remember that even though they may not be here forever, they may be here now and that is important. Call your mom and say you love her, or thank your dad for always believing in you. take a moment to appreciate their lives, and the life they gave you.